God vs. Air Conditioning

1 Jun

Dear All Good People:


I have been a little distracted today.  I’m really not sure why…maybe it is because I have been on hold with the IRS for over an hour for my 2009 tax returns; maybe it is because my cousin is now serving his time in county jail and I’ve been told, that if I go to see him, I can’t ask any prison related questions (“What is the shower like?  Have you grown out your big toe nails so that you can use it for self-defense?  Who controls the remote control for the TV?  Are you making friends?”); maybe it is because I’m two weeks behind on a project that I need a developer for and I keep getting shrugged off (the project is “too easy” apparently); maybe it is because I’m changing my business model to make my websites automatically updating–this is a project I have been working on for at least 13 months, according my notes –and I knew that I was going to do this when I gave up customer service for lent and I didn’t miss it–but the transition hasn’t been what I like to call smooth; maybe it is because I got some bad advice on marketing so when Google changed their ranking algorithm I was hit pretty hard; maybe it is because I’ve had to let several contractors go because I no longer needed their services and it sucks telling people this; or maybe it is because the one person who is reliant on me for their entire source of income, my virtual assistant Parahmae in the Philippines, hasn’t been told that I don’t know what I’m going to do with her (she is a very nice lady, mother of 2, and actually likes me–this will be important in a bit) and I’m thinking of ways I can keep her on (I was talking with my attorney about setting up a charity to help her out so I can at least get a tax break on my guilt money; nothing has worked so far); maybe it is because my Mother keeps suggesting to me that I need to get a real job and her definition of a real job is for my to work at WalMart…as a greeter or check-out person; and, yes, she does wonder why I get so insulted about this and she has been doing this to me for years; maybe it is because I’ve had to spend the last week discontinuing relationships my suppliers (the “Freeloaders”) and they have been telling me exactly what they think of me; or maybe it is because my air conditioning is broken.


I think the smart money is on air conditioning. 


You learn a lot about your self when your schedule is interrupted.  I don’t like this to happen, even under the best of circumstances when something good happens.  But, sitting here, sweating bullets, and listening to the free-loaders unleash a fullisade of insults, frank character assessment, and built up residual anger, has made me get in touch with my spiritual side.  I have been contemplating my place in the world and what sort of person I am.  What’s important; what’s not.  What I want to focus on for the remainder of my years.  Who I should focus on.  Do I have any hidden talents that need development?  What things do I want to do?  What would Socrates say about me living my life: am I living what the Greek’s would consider a good life?  And, I’ve been trying to asses the condition of my soul.


What I have learned about myself is that if had to choose between the Pope and air conditioning, I’d choose air conditioning.  This the closest to a religious experiance I can apparently get.  And, if go without A/C for any period of time when it is hot out, I become capable of crimes against humanity.  So, when I listen to what the Freeloaders are saying to me, it almost…almost…gets me under my skin and I start the process of maybe caring. 


Here’s a short example of what I’ve heard lately:

“Chris, I’m sorry to see you go.  You are taking some money out of my pocket, but, when it really comes down to it, at least I won’t have to explain you to other people anymore.”

“When I first took over this account, I couldn’t believe the stories that were told about you.  All of these couldn’t be true: yet, they are!”

“Chris, I kinda like you: I kinda don’t.  The only reason I put up with you and didn’t fire you as a supplier is because you were the only person willing to argue with our CEO.”

“At some point, I had to conclude that you like to be hated.”

“This might have been more difficult for us if anybody liked you.”

“I’m a [insert any religious belief here] and I try to lead an ethical life.  But, #*()*$)*#_@%$^&, you, Belitz, &*$&^%+, you.”  [This was a women in her fifties.]

“I think your Mother would support you in your decision if you told her you were going to commit suicide.”

“What sort of childhood did you have to make you like this?”  [Actually, I have the opposite problem: my childhood was awesome, just everything that has come afterwards has sucked.]


And, my favorite:

“I have accidentially recieved a few of your mass emails.  And, I have to say, what gives you the right to make yourself the all-knowing, pretentious, arrogant, hero?”

Me: “You’ve missed the point.  I’m not the hero: I’m the Villian.”



But, the A/C guy is here and is taken me to the promised land of cool, dry air.  Ahh, I’m back to my zen moment.


Further Bullutins as Events Warrant




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