How I Almost Won a Darwin Award

1 Jun

Somehow, someway, at sometime during the night, the under sheets to my bed got tangled up and wrapped like a coil around my neck and shoulders. I didn’t feel anything amiss since it wasn’t tight: it just felt like sheets wrapped snugly against my body.  While I was relaxing in bed writing an article in my head, my places’ security system went off.  I’m a jumpy person anyway who doesn’t like loud noises, surprises, and has repeatedly been traumatized by over two decades of howling security systems waking me up in the middle of the night.  Usually, when this happens, I spring like a panther and sprint to go turn off the security system and I usually don’t even know I’m out of bed until I’m the main terminal.  I have done this probably a hundred times. 


But, something surprising then happened.  As I tried to jump out of bed to turn it off, my bedsheets had somehow essentially created a noose around my neck that was so tight I couldn’t breath and was equivalent in pain to the time I got hit in the Adam’s apple with a lacrosse ball.  My body was going forward, my head and neck were now going backwards.  As I tried to determine if I was ever going to get feeling back in my throat, I thought to myself that this is one of those accidents that raise the question if my genes should be passed onto the next generation. 


If I ever win a Darwin award, I’m going to be pissed.


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