How Another Naked Pic of Me Ended up on the Web

5 Jul
Another CTBelitz in the nude pic ended on the web.  This happened on Tuesday around 5 PM.
 
M. and I make bets with each other a lot.   M. works for the fund I call Sub Rosa Capital.   
 
I’m on a bit of a losing streak.  I lost a bet where I had to dress up as a cowboy for a day.  I decided to push on that bet and go double-or-nothing on another bet. I ended up losing (I couldn’t believe it that Kennedy sided with the conservatives on Obamacare).  Since she is a heavy drinker, I was hoping she would forget about this, so, when she called me out on not fulfilling the terms of my lose, I was surprised.
 
Me: “Really?  You were taking that seriously?”
M. “Yes…and you need to do it…today.” 
 
Pause while I thought.
 
Me: “Why today?”
M. “I’m pissed and I’m taking it out on you.  That’s what friends are for”
Me: “That’s mature and also explains why I’m your only friend [she didn’t deny this].  What happened to you?” [There’s a ton of reasons why M. could get pissed, but why we aren’t increasing the stakes for another bet was somewhat of a mystery to me.]
M. “I had to give a BJ last night and it wasn’t to the beautiful Irishman on the third floor.”
Me: “Was this with your husband?” [M. is the breadwinner in her family; her husband stays home with the kids.  This isn’t bad in-and-of itself, but he really sucks at.]
M. “Yes, and he didn’t do the dishes last night.”
Me: “Oh %&*$&, I’m dead aren’t I?”
M. “Oh yes.”
 
The bet was as follows: the loser had to go through a drive through naked during rush hour.  No clothes; only shoes.  Nothing more.  The complete trip must be made naked from the moment you leave the house, to when you get to the car, driving there, and then driving back; all must be done in the nude.  
 
There are several things I didn’t don’t think about when making this best.  The first is how I had to get to my car when it is parked outside without being arrested for indecent exposure.  Conducting a look-out the FBI would be proud of, concluding the area was clear, I ran to my car.  I could have earned a place on the Olympic track and field team in how quickly I sprinted.  The next problem is, what do I drive like?  I don’t want to get pulled over, yet I don’t want to attract attention to myself.  I decided to drive a casual three miles over the speed limit and look like I was coming back from swimming.  I went for broke and pulled a gangster-lean while driving [one hand on the wheel; the other resting casually on the passenger seat.] 
 
The next thing I only thought about while I was doing this was, what am I going to tell the person giving me food?  I decided to get in front of the story James Carville Cajun style.
 
Fast Food guy: “Welcome to Taco Bell, how may I take your order?”
Me: “Three soft tacos, a Dr. Pepper, and that’s it.”
Fast Food Guy: “Is there anything else?”
Me: “Yeah, head’s up [no pun intended].  Um, I lost a bet and I have to do this naked.”
Fast Food Guy: “Okay…” [Laughing.]  Are you in a frat…”
Me: “No, I am not.”
Fast Food Guy: “High School?”
Me: “No, but one of my stress dreams lands me back there…”
Fast Food Guy: “How old are you?”
Me: “Thirty-one.”
Fast Food Guy: “Seriously?”
Me: “Yup.  Please don’t spit in my food.”
Fast Food Guy: “Pull around please.”
 
I pulled up and greeted the entire staff of the Taco Bell laughing at me.
 
Me: “Here’s my money.”
Fast Food Guy: “Don’t tell me where you were keeping your wallet.”  [They thought this was so fuuuunny.]
Me: “Can I have my food now please?”
Fast Food Guy: “Here you go.”  [He took out his camera phone and took a picture.]  “Here’s a burrito, on the house.” [Laughing.]
Me: “Thank you.”
Fast Food Guy: “Don’t keep the drink between your legs.”  [They all laughed again.]
Me: “Thanks.”  [Taking food.]  “Have a good day.  Is this picture going to end up on the internet?”
Fast Food Guy: “Already on Facebook.”
 
The worst part about this story is that this isn’t the most humiliating naked pic of me on the internet.
 
Further Bulletins as Events Warrant
 
C
 
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: