Recipe for Road Trip Disaster

20 Nov

Ingredients: 

-2 parts bad directions
-1 part ulcerative colitis 
-1 part city you hate on principal and never want to go again, we’ll call it Mas Begas
-2 parts greasy spoon food
-1 part dead cell phone battery
 
To achieve Road Trip Disaster 
-Eat at greasy spoon before finishing the last leg of your journey
-Make sure your cell phone’s battery is dead so you can’t use its map features to help you
-Get faulty directions because they don’t take into account of construction projects
-Have a big truck block your exit 
-Take next exit
-Discover the entry way to turn around has been blocked due to construction
-End up on Mas Begas’ most famous street, called “The Rip”
 
Any great recipe needs an element of luck which any chef is capable of
-Get stuck in traffic jam
-Sit in traffic jam for three hours
-Feel your ulcerative colitis; remember your greasy spoon meal
 
You may feel the need to not add a greasy spoon meal, but it is an essential ingredient.  This is a daring recipe.  
-Begin to wonder where you will go to bathroom
-Hold as long as possible until it is starting to boil
 
There are several variations to what you consider doing next
        A)Jump out of car and sprint to nearest restroom
            i) Consider how much it will cost to get your car back after it has been towed
            ii) Hire street walker to sit in the car so you can get it back 
If you consider either of these options, remember to carefully consider what items you don’t want to lose and grab them
        B)  Drive on sidewalk and find nearest restroom
For (B), it is important to remember you are relying on luck the judge you get has a sense of humor and irritable bowel syndrome 
        C) Drive into the most expensive valet parking on The Rip with the express purpose of sprinting into the nearest restroom
(D) is the preferred method and potentially very expensive, but any good recipe is made or breaked on the ingredients: the most expensive ingredients produce the best methods
 
-What ever option you choose, it is important to let recipe simmer until you can find this funny
-Share recipe with friends   
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