Memo to World: Things I’m not good at

8 Jan
Things I’m not good at: 
Parallel parking, physics, foreign languages, trigonometry, and understanding why people follow the WWF.  I can’t cook bacon, prepare a meal other than spaghetti, and giving up TV for more than 24 hours.  I’m bad at spelling, remembering names, making new friends, and being popular with parents.  I’m not good at developing abs you could grate cheese on, taking orders, or shopping. I suck at taking vacations, traveling, or responding well to any change in my routine.  I’m really bad at digesting most food, cleaning, and remember to do my laundry.  I’m missing the part of my brain which understands why people go to church, believe in G-d, or why people gamble.  
Things I’m good at:
Finding new and interesting ways to publicly embarrass myself given the limited amount of time I spend among people…such as, I don’t know…walking to the bank in pants which don’t fit, forget to put a belt on, catch the pant leg on my boots, and my pants get pulled off in front a bus full of tourists from Australia parked in front of a gas station who started to scream “Hey, Mate!”  I decided to file this memory under the “I’m here to help department.”

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