Learning how to Cook: I give up

12 Jan

One of my goals for the past six months has been to teach myself how to cook.  I imagined myself a maven and master of the kitchen.  The guy who could walk into a frat house pantry and wipe-up a feast worthy of state dinners.  That’s not what happened.  What happened was I have successfully set fire to my kitchen on multiple occasions, I’ve burned myself, and have given myself a permanent case of food poising.  I mean, my stomach hurts all the time.  I now know all of the fire fighters because they’ve been to my place so many times.

Given the fact I’m a stubborn idiot who doesn’t give up, I kept going.  I decided to change tactics, though, and focus on simple recipes.    Yesterday, I decided to make a very simple recipe: braised red cabbage.  This is one of the recipes people ate in the movie The Christmas Story.  

It looked easy.  It said it was easy.  A comment on the website I pulled it from mentioned their brain damaged nephew could make it.  I thought I could pull it off.  HAHAHAHAHA!  Poor, naive, me.  The cooking G-ds hate me and instead of ending up with magnificent feast I always dreamed of, I ended up in the bathroom the entire night.
So, I’ve decided to give up on learning how to cook.  Since I’m an optimist (read: stupid), I decided to focus on what I could make.  This exhaustive list includes such things as:
1) toasted bagels
2) spaghetti
3) simple sandwiches
…that’s it.
I figure, if I take vitamins, I won’t die of malnutrition with this diet.
That’s my rant for today.  Go Broncos!
Further Bulletins as Events Warrant

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