Benefiting from self-told lies

17 Jan

I think the ability to lie to yourself is underrated.  We live in a miserable world surrounded by injustice, incompetence, and family members.  So, the ability to delude yourself into seeing the world with rose covered glasses is key to any sort of happiness.  The problem with this is that you can’t see too much of the world as lies.  The consequences of this are you don’t see problems coming, such as a daughter getting pregnant, marrying the wrong person, and believing your favorite sports team–I don’t know, named, say, the Broncos–will make it to the Super Bowl when you have a once in a lifetime opportunity to actually attend the game for free (including airfare on a private jet and hotel room) and thinking this will actually happen will inevitable led to you trying to drown yourself in the shower after they lose the longest and most emotionally draining game you will ever see.  This is a hypothetical; don’t read too much into it.  

 
The previous examples prove there must be a balancing act between seeing the world as a wonderful place and not progressing into what people could nicely describe as “idiotic,” “insane,” and “he made a $*%&$# fool of himself” behavior.  For instance, you’ll see your child as a potential winner rather than as a lead paint licking, snot nosed jerk so you don’t drop them off in front of orphanage after handing them $50.  You’ll think your career is getting ready to take off rather than the fact you are in a dead-end job (also called Human Resources) so you keep showing up every day.  You don’t notice your significant other, while sweet and caring, is obnoxious and stupid with a tendency to irritate every one else in your life so you can continue to love them.  You show up to church, synagogue, mosque, whatever, but you don’t become so desperate for meaning you join a religious cult that, while stating you should love and accept everyone on the planet, it is okay to kill anyone who doesn’t agree with you.  You take care of yourself through nutrition and exercise, but you don’t start believing your life’s fate is determined by these actions and actually start blaming people for their life’s problems if they don’t do this and that you can repair a lesion on the brain with a hamstring stretch.  Basically, you need to be able to limit the amount of being able to lie to yourself so you don’t become an asshole no one likes.
 
So, a balancing act needed.  The question now becomes how to tell when you’ve gone over the deep end moving from optimism to stupidity.  I have a theory on this that can be tested with a very simple observation.  We will call it the “Blank Stare” test (“the BS test”).  It works like this. If, at any point in your life, after explaining what you are doing and what is going on, people stare at you with a blank stare, you have crossed the line from optimism to stupidity.  
 
Examples of crossing the line include the following:
1) When you tell someone just because a significant other has cheated on you in the past and has cheated on everyone they have ever dated and they stare out you, you have crossed the line
2)  When you tell someone you could have been a professional athlete, but couldn’t do it because you got married, injured, or whatever, but your child can make it even though he/she has had three reconstructive knee surgeries and the odds are roughly 1 in 130,000 of this, you have crossed the line
and, I don’t know 
3) Believe you can actually learn to cook and become good at it even though you set a grease fire in three days in a row
 
Number three is what I need to pay attention to.  I mean, when I’m removing the batteries to the fire detector before I start to cook something, this should have been a heads-up I’m about to do something stupid.  The next red flag move is that I pull out the fire extinguisher before I start to cook anything (I set fire to the stove boiling spaghetti the other day).  The final red flag is that I was begging–and I mean begging–the food not to do anything I didn’t want it to do.  When you are saying, “Please work” to anything, it is a prayer of the desperate and should signal you are in a bad situation and, if you can control it, you shouldn’t do it.  
 
Despite knowing all of this, I’m still wondering what happened to all the hair on my right arm.  When I burn down the house and start the wild fire that destroys Vail valley, you’ll know what happened.    
 
For the good of humanity, I’m going to just purchase pre-made food for the rest of my life.  
 
Further Bulletins as Events Warrant
 
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